A New Year.

I come to you at 4:47 p.m. typing this. I don't know what I'm typing about. Just typing.

New York has been quite frigid this past week. I don't do cold.

In other news....

I've decided that I'm not gonna push myself on my guy. I'm tired of calling. Tired of trying. When you know you're amazing it's hard for other people to get that with you in their face I GUESS. He did a 360 when he came to visit and a 360 when he left. I don't know.

Been out of the dating circle for 2 years. I admit I may be dusty but I have enough sense to know that things aren't going as scheduled. In life they never do. Atleast my life.

Why do people decide when YOU forgive them? I don't get that. I don't like that. Why not let you sulk for a bit? Shit I'm mad. LET ME BE. Give me that much.

I really don't think I can stand getting hurt again. This will be the 3rd time. It would be unfair to me. My heart can't take anymore disappointments.

So I vow to not call him. Give him breathing space. Maybe then he'll get the bigger picture.

Afterall he was the one who persued me. And I do love him. But I can get caught up if all this is just foolishness. I gotta find other things to do with my time. I'm getting there...