Hmmm...

Honesty is such a lonely word.

So I cursed last night A LOT. & I'm still upset BUT I'm OVER IT. Kind of.

Still upset.

Upset.

UPSET.

I feel like going into a dark place and never coming out. I'm so irritated.

I guess everyone has their image of me. Most of them think I'm this geeky girl who is naive and a pushover. & they might as well slight me because I can't stand up for myself.

I come from a family of many women. Not all strong. I wasn't strong myself but I built up my strength so excuse me if I don't take kindly to b.s. like I used to. I'm not changing I'm growing up.

I'm not a person concerned with shock value or attention. I just do what I feel. & last night I felt hurt and alone. My anger got the best of me & I'm glad. He's lucky I didn't say it to his face.

There's no reset button to this life. You gotta deal with what you're given. I learned that this year. I threw my deck in the fire and just chose not to. I took the easy way out. That's all changed now. Many people have ditched me when they came to find out that I'm NOT gonna do what you ask of me. I'm my own person and you can't control me anymore. Your manipulative/lying/cowardice ways serve no purpose here. I've wised up.

Too many times I've heard "You used to be so nice. Now you got a nasty attitude" I really don't know why. I'm the nicest person I know STILL to this day. I've been patient, quiet and giving and people like that. It's like I'm their go to girl. Now that I'm my own person they think I have an attitude. What do you want from me? If I irritate you. Disgust you. Whatever. Don't be bothered with me. Justleavemealone. I won't even make it hard for you.

Back then I heard "You're so naive. You need to stop allowing people to walk all over you like that. Stand up for yourself"

LOOK.

I get it. You want me to act a certain way just not to you right? Hmmm.

I'm getting pulled in different directions and I'm just tired of it. I'm gonna live the way I see fit. You should do the same.

I'm tired of people telling me who I can love/date/like/talk to/curse at/ignore. Take your leash off me. Go live your life.

& if you love me like you say you do then understand this...

Sometimes you'll never know what angle I'm coming from. It's not your job. Just be there. I'm human. I'm not meant to be judged.

I think I've cried enough. Now I'm on my own island.

-Ash