James.

LOVE this song. Just sitting by myself in the middle of the livingroom. Her voice is enough to make me sob. Tracyanne you speak to the very heart of me. It is full my dear.

They'll be coming here in June (Camera Obscura). It would be lovely lovely lovely to see them. Yes, yes I'd like that very much. Perhaps my sister will tag along. She does like our song "French Navy" :)

Yesterday me and my bestest had a heart to heart. Very emotional for me. Of course it was about my father. She let me talk and she listened. She is such a comfort to me I don't know what I would do without her. Love you so much Dams. You're simply beautiful.

I feel that I've done all I can as far as my father is concerned. I've been chasing him almost all of my life. When I see pictures of my brothers I find peace in knowing that he is atleast taking care of them. I don't want them to ever know what being away is doing to me on the inside. I miss them everyday...it's so hard to be so invisible.

& then there's my mother. I love her and I want her to be happy. Seems to me that she feels incomplete. I long for her to find what it is that she's looking for. It would be really good to see her smile. I have work to do. I'm on a mission. 1+1=2 :) This better work lol! & it MUST take place before I'm married lol

& then there's me. The one that's always smiling. Always the one picking up the pieces people leave lying around. Naturally sympathetic/understanding/loving. The one who cries with emotion. Who loves nature but is forced to view it through the window. Fuggin allergies! The one who goes to see every movie she wants even if she is the only one. Even if I fall asleep halfway through it because I'm cold. The one who has always been by my own side. The one who speaks not to hear herself but because she knows deep down inside the very thing she just said was everything someone else needed to hear.

Yeah. Spring will be really be an emotional season.

In other news...
I'm still exercising & it's still boring :)
I have been listening to "James" over and over again while typing this.
I am in love with antioxidants in the forms of berry tea, blueberry popsicles, prunes and pomegranate applesauce.
My hair fell in love with me again. <--- That really made me SO HAPPY. Youdon'tevenknow.


YAY!


So there's this dude named C-H-R-I-S & he makes me feel like THIS (look below)



Thebackgroundtomyheartpound. :)! You must know this. Always know this.

I don't know what else to say.

OH!

People...STOP randomly popping up out of nowhere & asking me to hang out and go places. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?

When you become friends with someone you ought to know that it's a shared effort to keep it going. So if you know this and don't take heed....Feel no need to contact me months later asking me why I don't call you. Feel no need to remind me that I don't call. Feel no need to remind me that I used to call. Feel no need to pretend to care about my well being. Feel no need to text me and say you hope I'm good/well/alright. Feel no need to tell me that you haven't hit me up in awhile. NO SHIT. I understand & I've dealt with it. Riddle me this. Was your head really so far up your own ass that it led you to think I would still be waiting around for you to even be my friend? Really? I can't deal lol! I was not placed here for you to use/hit me up when you FEEL like it. That's not how it works exactly. If it takes you months to talk to a friend we are NOT FRIENDS. Shit we're not even associates at this point in time. You're only hitting me up cause you're bored/lonely. You think I'm gonna be like "about time you hit me up! hey!" UM NO. Times have changed. Open your eyes. Be real with yourself. BE GONE BOY!

Smh all this time goes by and you JUST NOW realizing we haven't talked. NOW you're all concerned. Fuckouttahere. If I haven't hit you up there's a reason please believe me. :|!!!!!! Seriously dude. It's not hitting this time around. We're not in h.s. anymore.

& FYI...

I don't wanna be with you. I never wanted to be with you. NO I'm NOT playing hard to get or being funny so stop saying that! I'm being honest. GADZOOKS! You really CAN'T be nice to everybody.


If you don't do anything else with this entry PLEASE take a message from the rant above. No this isn't soley about one person but a few. A few that never fail to pop up and attempt to pick up where we left off when we were friends/associates. Lately it has been people with whom our relationships have ended on a rather sour note. I am glad to say that I have just stopped responding to those people. It has brought me peace and recently my mother as well lol Now I'm passing it to you.

IGNORE THEM. If they wanted to contact you they would've done it a long time ago. You have better things to do and better people to converse with. People of quality. People of consistency.


*inhale 1...2...3! EXHALE*


Other than that I am COOL :) I need a beach to frolick around on this summer. It's much needed. I def. need to take new pictures. Been lazy. Soon come.

Toodles!

-Ash