I look different. Act different. I am different.
& I'm happy that way.
As I sit on this bed alone my mind races. Seems like it never stops. I am grateful.
It feels like it's been forever since I've written anything in my notebooks. I wonder why? I feel emotions all the time; yet I never seem to rush for my pencil. It's a melancholy feeling. Bloody awful.
...enough of that.
I must pat myself on the back today (I'm doing so as I type). As much as I mope about being single I haven't grabbed any of the bait I've gotten thrown at me as of lately. With good reason.
People mistake my kindness for dumbness. Long ago I would've fallen for a sweet pickup line or two but not today. I've grown. With 2 relationships under my belt at waaaaaayyyy different times in my life I can TRULY say I know better now. I don't wanna hear the "I've always liked yous", "I wanna be your mans", "What's up sexys" and etc. It doesn't move any ground under my feet. It's tired. Lame. Useless and pointless. Not knocking genuine guys out here at all I just am so fed up with this rubbish lying around. They scoop it up and hand it to me like it's a bouquet and I AM TIRED OF IT! Go somewhere else.
I've been hounded by what in my eyes are the WRONG guys. My female intuition has picked up speed since my teenage days and now I can see it before they say it. Thank you GOD. Saves me so much time.
Everybody is saying that when I start school I'll find stability. I'm really hoping so. I need some kind of motivation. & I kind of miss doing homework lol
One thing that I've noticed since I moved is that it's really quiet. I feel like I've started all over. It feels good. So much I'm gonna make happen. I'm so proud of myself. Took a lot of courage for me to move away. That was the beginning. Now I see miles on top of miles filled with opporutunity. & it's all mine if I want it! I'm blessed.
It's like a withering flower finally getting it's dose of sunlight. The petals are opening slowly for all of the world to see. The first look starts with me.
-Ash
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